I changed my mind I told them that they could smoke inside
Hotboxed the whole house as I left and called a ride
It didn’t come I walked back home to say I did
acting like that time was the last time I‘d do it

Holding a dress
And a red blazer
I confirmed with the hosts and guests
That it wouldn’t phase them
Like I thought it would
They’ve seen worse than what I‘ve seen
They’ve been lower than where I may be

I didn’t have what they were drinking what they were lighting
If someone got it wrong I wouldn’t start fighting
Couldn’t lose myself to throwbacks, I was distracted I confess
You think less of yourself when you feel like you don’t belong in this dress

They don’t say when I’m there, they don’t say it when I leave
Even when I’m safe I can’t let myself be

I never tried to make a difference
I never wanted to be an inconvenience
Taking up space never knowing how to handle it right
Damned to the tunnel no proof of light

I never went through what they went through and they didn’t have a choice
All the things they got used to
But this is where they shake it loose
And In this room I still can’t move

They’re still belting live from the right of the dial
No surprise my voice gave in after a while
I had my moments but I couldn’t relax
Glimpse at the wrong angle all I think after the fact

I’m trying not to call attention to myself
Everyone knows I’m standing there no one asks or tells
Say it when I’m there and they say it when I leave
How much they “want to get it right” but in this fit that’s a reach

I could let myself go but I can’t let myself be
more vulnerable
Have you heard these songs, that’s not possible
How do you compartmentalize
teach me sometime I know I’ll need it

Despite myself, so far I’m standing
But I can’t stand to take another step
Despite myself, singing “I don’t wanna die in here’ but I don’t wanna lose it all out there”

I never went through what they went through and they didn’t have a choice
All the things they got used to
But in this room they shake it loose
In this room I still can’t move

I cannot go through what you go through just to live another day
What keeps you alive in this time and place
In this room I still can’t move
In this room I still can’t move

And when the music gets too loud what joy do you get out of it?
I want to feel freer too
But I can’t move in this room
But I can't move in this room
How do you?

In a word I’m lost
In a world where it‘s never made sense
to be anyone
but who I was
Though I show my heavy hand
I don’t understand what else to say
Then the future is over and it’s too late
And I’m a coward to the day they leave for space
As we’re consumed by literal flames
And you find ways to distract, to cope, overcome
How do you?
It's something I'll use

I’ll miss the late nights out walking
If not the reasons I was up that late
But I might be up anyway
Wondering if I’ll be okay
Causes I have no clue

Am I enough
Nobody is
That’s not much
But at least it’s true