1. |
Freakshow (Remastered)
03:04
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Give me powers I can use
So no one can treat me like they’ve treated you
So everyone who said where they stand
They’ll still let me in
I can stay with them
Don’t let me be a freak show
It shouldn’t matter to me, though
tell that to the armies all waiting to take us down
I want to be homogenized
Exist without thinking about what it implies
Enough to get away
Enough to get away
Not hard to get ahead of me
So sensitive easily seen
Throw darts at dolls with parts torn off
It won’t end
They won’t stop
Don’t let me be a freakshow
Here’s a Hail Mary, no free throw
But if I’m in the worst case scenario
I think I’d rather be lobotomized
Unsexed unsensed
Thoroughly desensitized
If I cannot escape
If I cannot escape
Make me anything
All I ever wanted was to be useful for you
Make me anything
All I ever wanted was to be useful
Useful
self-acceptance isn't enough
if there’s something better I can be
Without being held down by anxieties
I don’t want anyone to have to worry about me
And pray not to be a freakshow
It shouldn’t matter to me
though tell that to the armies all waiting to take us down
At least make me homogenized
Fixed up shipped out
Just so I can survive
That's all I need anyway
Make me anything
All I ever wanted was to be useful
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2. |
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Act so evolved and suddenly they’re on all fours
I tried to stand for so long outside closed doors
Never let anyone in on a Friday night
No one in person but that's alright
Watch some Bildungsroman and I‘m
Just seeing a past and future that could have been mine
Can’t make up for the years I wasted online
I know I was impossible
What I wanted was undesirable, and
It was irreconcilable
I am responsible
Wasn't there
I was somewhere else instead
No one asked why I went where I did
But it was nothing that I could have said
I'm learning to catch up but I'm so far behind
All this time acting like they're the ones out of their minds
It's gradual then it's too late
For most people to relate
To how I felt I couldn’t fill my role, but who would know?
Wasn't there
I was somewhere else instead
I can’t say why I went where I did
But it was nothing that I could have said
Never parked my car
Never dropped my phone
Never slept on the floor
I only thought about me
Never a rotten one
Never heard that song until recently
Because I missed out
I was motionless
I was hoping it would change
Never sharp enough to speak
I typed on a screen
Never had what
Everyone else writes about
I missed out
Try to make up for the lost time
I have a lot to answer for
Try to make up for the lost time
If it's worth leaving what I was before
Found comfort in the catatonic state
I think that's okay
If I made it through
But it gets harder to never face
with their hands all over
with their hands all over
it doesn't really matter to me
their hands were all over
it doesn’t really matter to me, to me
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3. |
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I just want to watch what you're doing
I just want to play you in a movies
I can’t climb in
I’m not Buster Keaton
I learn but I forget
about the consequence
I swear I’ve grown
I catch a glimpse and I’m thrown
Cause I spend all my time recovering
From the sight of what I should be
And I spend all my time wondering
What I gotta do
to be more like
I could stay in my lane but I refuse to believe I’m bound to this by more than mere circumstance
If you wanted this too I promise I’d leave if I got the chance
I just need to get out of my eternal internal monologue
I’m not out of my mind
You’re just on it all the time
But I spend all my time recovering
From the sight of what I should be
And I spend all my time wondering
What I gotta do
to be more like
You kill me
you leave me a spirit without a body
You are my phantom skin
I do not
Want to control you I couldn’t take you over
Be everything you’ve been
So much for building my own self
this is not love, it’s just hell
I spend all my time recovering
From the sight of what I should be
And I spend all my time wondering
What I gotta do
To be more like you
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4. |
Robot (Remastered)
03:07
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I’m not ready for a conversation
About modernity and depersonalization
But god I wish I felt more like a robot
God I wish I felt less, just like a robot
They said we’ll all be replaced by machines
What does that mean for bugs like me
I wish I was more like a robot
I wish I was more like a robot
I just want a use
I want to be valued
Or I just need to adapt
I wasn’t supposed to be this screwed
You’re either someone that hurts or you get hurt
You will burn alive if you go scorch the Earth
I wish I could function like a robot
Told what to do execute like a robot
can’t run from it when the doors are locked
Rewire me so I never want to walk away
Use me abuse me like a robot
Let nothing get in the way just like a robot
It’s whispered common knowledge
Nothing I do now will be enough
You’ll rule the world forever
You’d rather watch it fall than give it up
but I think I have some worth
if you don’t then strip me for parts and put me to work
If I can’t change your mind
Make you forget everything you’ve ever heard
all I should have been was a piece of paper
All I should have been was a book
Something rational that you say you'll believe
Forget these disorders and diseases
If we’re at the end of the Earth
Make the credits roll before I get hurt
This survival is no noble fight
This survival sucks out all my life
I'm aware it's easy to break
What does that mean when it won't change
Pretty sure we're falling out of favor
with the public and the oddsmakers
I want to fill a brick in the wall
Just to know I’m helping anything at all
Forget what I might have been
If I didn't have to be so practical
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5. |
Control (Remastered)
03:50
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I heard from someone you can’t both love and control
That wasn't you but I thought it was possible
Different stories will be told
As long as nothing breaks your hold
T-t-t-tears in your eyes, hand on my shoulder, deny what you’ve heard
Hand on your heart cause you're so lost for words
as your hand slides down my back
I try to slide right past
As your hand slides down my back
I learn to deal with that
As your hand slides down my back
I learn to deal with that
It doesn't always hurt but it's still control
It's petty things that add up, always uncomfortable
I know stopping them is a lot to ask
If I ever leave and there's a reason to come back
I swear
I'll come
Always told to speak up until you do
In the abstract, there’s nothing wrong with you
But the structures I may upset
Are not ready to come apart yet
that may
never come
I know what you will say if it's ever expressed
I know it’s not really control it’s just a way to protect
And I project
I’m sorry for everything I said but
You can’t make it leave
You can’t take it from me
I spend too long talking about my feelings
So tell me how your day was and that’s our evening
Maybe a song I can throw on
So nothing will go wrong?
As your hand slides down my back
Say nothing until after the fact
As your hand slides down my back
I’ll learn to deal with that
It’s understandable, you’re paranoid paranoid paranoid
Afraid of losing control like I’m Icarus when I’m walking out that front door
It’s understandable. you’re paranoid paranoid paranoid
Afraid of losing control
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Fell From The Tree Rochester, New York
I fell from a tree.
I am in a fog and I catastrophize.
I am not ENOUGH, but that's ok.
Now I find Answers in Between
theanswersinbetween.bandcamp.com
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