1. |
Voices
02:13
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Don't tell me to not forgive
I have a life to live
What do you have
When you create chaos for change
You change for nothing
Great points I can't write down
The voices drowned them out
What did you say? I can't hear you right now
Speak until spoken to
Push the limits of what you can say
Don't wear clothes without pocketed jeans
And invisible grey
No one's words but that's what was processed
there were great points but my head was too loud
And the voices drowned them out
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2. |
Like I See You
04:31
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Kept an eye on you
I’ve been watching you from afar
you carry yourself so someone knows who you are
I should explain some things
We’re not close for you to care
Won’t pull you into me you could be anyone I want there
Into the night you go
With your friends
I’m more like them than you know
Even if everything showed
It makes me more alone
It makes me feel more alone
I don’t want you to love me
I just want you to see me
Like I see you
Like I see you
I don’t want you to need me
I just want you to see me
Like I see you
If you don’t understand
Then I understand
It won’t be long
Till I’ve had enough
Till it breaks away
Unmerged and flailing out
Submerged and there isn't a pull
Make up excuses for
Why we don’t make time anymore
I’m too tied up in disorder
Too all over the place
It's slid me down priority lists
Even if you saw me
I wouldn’t be cut out for this so
I don’t want you to love me
I just want you to see me
Like I see you
I know how it looks
And I can’t defend or explain myself
But I want you to see me like I see you
If you don’t understand
Then I understand
It won’t be long
Till I’ve had enough
Till it breaks away
No self-control
Gotten better
but I can’t be sure
Hard to measure
I can’t be sure
I can't make you know
And I want out but
The dissonance keeeps me in
if it comes up then I want you to answer
Do you see it in me?
Do you see it in me?
Do you see it in me?
Do you see it in me?
I don’t want you to love me
I just want you to see me
Like I see you
Like I see you
I don’t want you to care for me
I just want you to see me
Like I see you
If you don’t understand
Then I understand
It won’t be long
Till I’ve had enough
Till it breaks away
It won’t be long
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3. |
Days Pass By
04:32
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Sleep synched with the news cycle
Immune to witching hours
On the street there's no proof
That I'm sleeping or awake
I was close to getting better
To surviving like anyone else
Before you came back
I could at least get through the day
But you won’t let me go no matter how much I’m told to meditate
they don’t understand
Don’t want to think about how lost I am
And even on good days I can’t forget
When you take me over and you take me in
and I let days pass by
in a trance I walk outside
I can’t keep track of my schedule
Or suggested morning routines
I don’t respond to messages
Asking where I should be
I can say it’s your fault
Though some of it is not
At my worst I let you
do what you’ve done to me
I can’t find an out now but this isn't how it will always be
They don’t understand
Don’t want to think about how lost I am
But even on good days I can’t forget
When you take me over and you take me in
and I let days pass by
in a trance I walk outside
They can tell when you are with me
They can tell when I’m wrung dry
Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this
I can’t stay like this
Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this
I can’t stay like this
they don’t understand
Don’t want to think about how lost I am
And even on good days I can’t forget
When you take me over and you take me in
and I let days pass by
in a trance I walk outside
They can tell you are with me
They can tell I’m wrung dry
Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this
I can’t stay like this
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4. |
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Though you’ll never say it
I feel like a burden
but I’m trying to lighten
or I fulfill the term even more
Go try to save me
With strings to hold me up
sure I've "made it this far"
but I won't be enough
You always try to fix me
It was some cosmic joke when
The punchline was that I
Always felt broken
I can't call you out
It means something else
I'm not strong enough to even mention
No one is going to sleep tonight
You'd thought it would wean off but you're just not right
No one is going to sleep tonight
Let alone even dream of some better time
No one is going to sleep tonight
You knew that was something I was going to write
I have a feeling
But I don't really want it
I should really save it
For some other better time when
Everyone can focus
But that might take a while so
Don't don't hold me to it
I, I can hide it
Forget being authentic
When I'm just trying to make it to the next day
As much as you
(They tell you to speak up until you do
In the abstract there's nothing wrong with you)
But someone wrote it down and called me out
But I told them to say nothing
I feel like a burden but I am not one
all I want is to keep it that way
They know what I am
They know what I do it for
These are not powers this is just something that hurts
Someone - someone - called me out
Someone someone wrote it down
And I thought I could get away with it
Slip away unscathed if I say what’s expected
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5. |
Nothing Left
03:24
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Sorry I missed lunch and breakfast
Standing on the bridge halfway to campus
Thinking I could get ahead of the curve
When things are going to get worse
Somebody took away the oxygen
That morning there was not a lot of air to breathe
Somebody give me a deep breath
I know there is but it felt like nothing was left for me
I had every reason to feel hopeless
I just had all the wrong motives
I knew it would have made a difference
I just wanted to be heard
If someone asks I blame it on the oxygen
I swear I don't let some news item get to me
If someone asks I won’t tell them
That there might not be a lot left for me
So I try not to walk past the bridge
Get the hell out of bed and feel accomplished
I've been doing it for years
I should be in the clear
But I step back and there’s nothing left
(Verse melody over chorus chords and shouty countermelody)
Everywhere I’d go the floor has fallen out
I'm not the only one I know feeling down
I was promised I had nothing to worry about
But that was conditional and long before now
When there’s nothing left
If someone asks I won’t explain
I can’t say it honestly I don’t want to give the context
You can say I’m overreacting but you’ll see
What I mean when I felt there was nothing left for me
Everything to lose
No way to keep it all
I’m just not practical
to have around at all
Every time, I recover and I wonder who wrote this
there must be a place for me
or I'm out of excuses
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6. |
Hard To Love
03:49
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First class lying down like a patient
Laid back until you started complaining
Analogue short circuit
They would never let me be your friend
First glance glad you moved away
Suddenly you had no place to stay
If I didn’t know you I’d laugh but then again
Maybe I should I haven’t seen you since
You’re hard to love
It’s hard to keep up
Drop attack blind flash In your absence
Barely last a second I forget when it happens
Monologue to prove my distance
To get a cheap shock from the audience
Your plans just hurt to read
No itinerary just reasons to leave
You can’t lose your way if you never had one
I’d rather have you there than have you gone
it’s hard to keep up
You’re hard to love
And though you’re hard to love
It’s hard to give up
It’s easier than empathy to leave but wait
I’m not alone but I’m close and I wish you stayed
But you’re hard to love
I never could act like I could go for days
You never could it doesn’t matter either way
But it’s hard to keep up
it’s hard to keep up
You’re hard to love
And though you’re hard to love
It’s hard to give up
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7. |
If We Ever Make It Out
04:35
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I could walk a mile I could
Throw it all away if I could
molt out my skin but I would
Be too much of a sight to see
So you set the dates I’m always late to
I search for things you can relate to
At least we agree about the bad weather
It’s not like it’s getting any better
Either you jump out
Of the car or you take the wheel and drive it into the water
I heard if you think
you can just wait and see you're just being led to the slaughter
Maybe I jump out
The nearest window don’t be worried I was just kidding
I’d never do it
Just an intrusive thought
I don’t blame it
If we ever make it out
The way it’s set up I may doubt
But on the off chance we survive
We better live like we’re not dying
Get connections get your clout
In case we ever make it out
On the off chance we survive
We better live like we’re not dying
Not that you should believe every headline
They say we're running out of time to live full lives
Thinking I need people with me while the world is destroyed
Holding hands into the fire like toys
But no one has the time to be a talker
I should but I make a total mockery of
So-called busy weeks and empty weekends
Spent scrolling down feeds and silently screaming
Either you jump out
Of the car or you take the wheel and drive it into the water
I heard if you think
you can just wait and see you're just being led to the slaughter
Either I go on
Or I despair that the best I can do may not even matter
Better the former but all the evidence tends towards the latter
But if we ever make it out
The way it’s set up I may doubt
But on the off chance we survive
We better live like we’re not dying
Focus on what matters now
In case we ever make it out
On the off chance we survive
We better live like we’re not dying
So we resist
Repeat the same rhetoric
Can’t get on the streets
Find ways to spread the sentiment
The future’s so bleak and I’m so tired
Trying to ignore the stakes getting higher
Can’t we find love break up like real humans
Think about other stuff like they did
Relying on each other if the world can't get better
I still need a reason to believe that we will
Ever make it out
The way it’s set up I may doubt
But on the off chance we survive
We better live like we’re not dying
Get mad as hell but they just take it
They won’t be around to watch us try and make it out
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8. |
3:59
03:57
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Night goes on I go to town
Catastrophize to deflect from now
The same despair comes back in
And it’s always about the same few things
No don’t ask me where I’ve been
Or you’ll be taken in circles again
Up late cause of some dumb thing I read
Sun still rises just as exhausted
Afraid I won’t be something more
Finding what I should live for
I can’t be like this I can’t stay like this anymore
Set aside a worry hour
Extends the time it has the power
Think I’ll sleep pre four am this time
Shut my eyes at three fifty nine
If there’s no hope I still can’t succumb
There must be some way to not feel numb
Give me something to tide me over
Remember what my brother said
There must be a reason to get out of bed
And I said
Afraid to not be someone more
Focus on what I should live for
Harder than it sounds
When the songs are contaminated and anything sets it off
Anything sets it off
Even now it’s still well into the morning
Even now the nighttime should come with a warning on the way in
Maybe four o clock won't hear from me
Maybe four o clock won't hear from me
Maybe four o clock won't hear from me
Maybe four o clock won't hear from me
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9. |
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Of course I've heard the news lately
I am the story they’re chasing
Chipping until skin starts chaffing
still care for it till it looks good enough
to take a picture
I missed out on getting used to it
The heartbeats racing
dreaming up contingency plans
Imagine hypothetically
How quickly I can escape
Until there is a way to leave
I’ll hear prophets playing at twice the speed
just when I start to believe
I’ll hear prophets saying there's nothing left
Nothing left for me
Don’t be tired of waiting
There’s still so much waiting you have to do
Don’t be tired of waiting
There’s still so much waiting you have to do
There’s a significant list
Of reasons it’s a dumb idea to exist
To stand out in this time and place
You're just another match on the fire
and nothing’s fixed
nothing can be fixed
Maybe we should get used to this
Powerless toward what we're facing
Don’t think about your complicity and
try to act apathetically
Eye on how to get away
Don’t be tired of waiting
There’s still so much waiting you have to do
Don’t be tired of waiting
There’s still so much waiting you have to do
Get used to the feeling of fading
There’s so much waiting you have to do
Until you’re suffocating
Whatever pulls you through
I will focus on other things
I will compartmentalize
What I can to compromise
All I can if it’s suffice
If I doubt
I remind myself I haven’t eaten enough
Just haven’t slept enough
Just haven’t eaten enough
Just haven’t slept enough
It's always something else
maybe I'm just scared
that hasn't gone away
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10. |
Blank Screen
04:21
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Do I look like a phoenix
Do I look like I feel like I’m rising
If you believe that then I must have hid it well
Mostly because I’m not fallen either
I’m in stasis
I’m exactly where I was half an hour ago
but now at least I know
That there’s nothing I can really do about it
If there’s a deeper meaning somewhere
I’ll miss it I’ll miss it
Point the thoroughline to me if you hear it
There is none there is none
Trying to escape the earnestness
and the yearning the yearning
I should accept it and
Check what jobs are left
We do our best to hit the goalpost in motion
It’s been suggested that I
Find a normal hobby or I should start a book club
Instead of sitting in my bed
just do some sort of other stuff
like walking in the park
Writing a song just as a lark and not as therapy
The message boiled down to
Act like a real person and you’ll
have more fun
But here’s the thing
That implies I can stop brooding
Every time I get the right advice
I missed it I missed it
Always distracted by some apocalypse
Nothing feels worth it when I’m
Hearing things are getting bad now
But then soon I may miss it
I'll accept we're doomed keep headphones in the room
Can't assume we'll just make it out of this
Yeah I want to leave the static but what do I do without it
All I see is a blank screen whenever I think about it
Day and night blend but I never miss a dosage
But it’s still past three, with eyes wide red like some stoner
But I was too afraid to smoke as a teenager anyway
Too formal for formative experiences
Days of polo shirts
And cargo shorts like God intended for me
I could have kept on that way
Keep down everything I felt
I could have been a king someday
But all I see is a blank screen whenever I think about it
Yeah I want to leave the static but what do I do without it
Been on cruise control for ages so stretch me thin leave me exhausted
My body my life were all laid out
it might have been wasted on me
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Fell From The Tree Rochester, New York
I fell from a tree.
I am in a fog and I catastrophize.
I am not ENOUGH, but that's ok.
Now I find Answers in Between
theanswersinbetween.bandcamp.com
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