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Catastrophize

by Fell From The Tree

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1.
Voices 02:13
Don't tell me to not forgive I have a life to live What do you have When you create chaos for change You change for nothing Great points I can't write down The voices drowned them out What did you say? I can't hear you right now Speak until spoken to Push the limits of what you can say Don't wear clothes without pocketed jeans And invisible grey No one's words but that's what was processed there were great points but my head was too loud And the voices drowned them out
2.
Kept an eye on you I’ve been watching you from afar you carry yourself so someone knows who you are I should explain some things We’re not close for you to care Won’t pull you into me you could be anyone I want there Into the night you go With your friends I’m more like them than you know Even if everything showed It makes me more alone It makes me feel more alone I don’t want you to love me I just want you to see me Like I see you Like I see you I don’t want you to need me I just want you to see me Like I see you If you don’t understand Then I understand It won’t be long Till I’ve had enough Till it breaks away Unmerged and flailing out Submerged and there isn't a pull Make up excuses for Why we don’t make time anymore I’m too tied up in disorder Too all over the place It's slid me down priority lists Even if you saw me I wouldn’t be cut out for this so I don’t want you to love me I just want you to see me Like I see you I know how it looks And I can’t defend or explain myself But I want you to see me like I see you If you don’t understand Then I understand It won’t be long Till I’ve had enough Till it breaks away No self-control Gotten better but I can’t be sure Hard to measure I can’t be sure I can't make you know And I want out but The dissonance keeeps me in if it comes up then I want you to answer Do you see it in me? Do you see it in me? Do you see it in me? Do you see it in me? I don’t want you to love me I just want you to see me Like I see you Like I see you I don’t want you to care for me I just want you to see me Like I see you If you don’t understand Then I understand It won’t be long Till I’ve had enough Till it breaks away It won’t be long
3.
Days Pass By 04:32
Sleep synched with the news cycle Immune to witching hours On the street there's no proof That I'm sleeping or awake I was close to getting better To surviving like anyone else Before you came back I could at least get through the day But you won’t let me go no matter how much I’m told to meditate they don’t understand Don’t want to think about how lost I am And even on good days I can’t forget When you take me over and you take me in and I let days pass by in a trance I walk outside I can’t keep track of my schedule Or suggested morning routines I don’t respond to messages Asking where I should be I can say it’s your fault Though some of it is not At my worst I let you do what you’ve done to me I can’t find an out now but this isn't how it will always be They don’t understand Don’t want to think about how lost I am But even on good days I can’t forget When you take me over and you take me in and I let days pass by in a trance I walk outside They can tell when you are with me They can tell when I’m wrung dry Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this I can’t stay like this Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this I can’t stay like this they don’t understand Don’t want to think about how lost I am And even on good days I can’t forget When you take me over and you take me in and I let days pass by in a trance I walk outside They can tell you are with me They can tell I’m wrung dry Maybe there’s comfort in the stasis but I can’t stay like this I can’t stay like this
4.
Though you’ll never say it I feel like a burden but I’m trying to lighten or I fulfill the term even more Go try to save me With strings to hold me up sure I've "made it this far" but I won't be enough You always try to fix me It was some cosmic joke when The punchline was that I Always felt broken I can't call you out It means something else I'm not strong enough to even mention No one is going to sleep tonight You'd thought it would wean off but you're just not right No one is going to sleep tonight Let alone even dream of some better time No one is going to sleep tonight You knew that was something I was going to write I have a feeling But I don't really want it I should really save it For some other better time when Everyone can focus But that might take a while so Don't don't hold me to it I, I can hide it Forget being authentic When I'm just trying to make it to the next day As much as you (They tell you to speak up until you do In the abstract there's nothing wrong with you) But someone wrote it down and called me out But I told them to say nothing I feel like a burden but I am not one all I want is to keep it that way They know what I am They know what I do it for These are not powers this is just something that hurts Someone - someone - called me out Someone someone wrote it down And I thought I could get away with it Slip away unscathed if I say what’s expected
5.
Nothing Left 03:24
Sorry I missed lunch and breakfast Standing on the bridge halfway to campus Thinking I could get ahead of the curve When things are going to get worse Somebody took away the oxygen That morning there was not a lot of air to breathe Somebody give me a deep breath I know there is but it felt like nothing was left for me I had every reason to feel hopeless I just had all the wrong motives I knew it would have made a difference I just wanted to be heard If someone asks I blame it on the oxygen I swear I don't let some news item get to me If someone asks I won’t tell them That there might not be a lot left for me So I try not to walk past the bridge Get the hell out of bed and feel accomplished I've been doing it for years I should be in the clear But I step back and there’s nothing left (Verse melody over chorus chords and shouty countermelody) Everywhere I’d go the floor has fallen out I'm not the only one I know feeling down I was promised I had nothing to worry about But that was conditional and long before now When there’s nothing left If someone asks I won’t explain I can’t say it honestly I don’t want to give the context You can say I’m overreacting but you’ll see What I mean when I felt there was nothing left for me Everything to lose No way to keep it all I’m just not practical to have around at all Every time, I recover and I wonder who wrote this there must be a place for me or I'm out of excuses
6.
Hard To Love 03:49
First class lying down like a patient Laid back until you started complaining Analogue short circuit They would never let me be your friend First glance glad you moved away Suddenly you had no place to stay If I didn’t know you I’d laugh but then again Maybe I should I haven’t seen you since You’re hard to love It’s hard to keep up Drop attack blind flash In your absence Barely last a second I forget when it happens Monologue to prove my distance To get a cheap shock from the audience Your plans just hurt to read No itinerary just reasons to leave You can’t lose your way if you never had one I’d rather have you there than have you gone it’s hard to keep up You’re hard to love And though you’re hard to love It’s hard to give up It’s easier than empathy to leave but wait I’m not alone but I’m close and I wish you stayed But you’re hard to love I never could act like I could go for days You never could it doesn’t matter either way But it’s hard to keep up it’s hard to keep up You’re hard to love And though you’re hard to love It’s hard to give up
7.
I could walk a mile I could Throw it all away if I could molt out my skin but I would Be too much of a sight to see So you set the dates I’m always late to I search for things you can relate to At least we agree about the bad weather It’s not like it’s getting any better Either you jump out Of the car or you take the wheel and drive it into the water I heard if you think you can just wait and see you're just being led to the slaughter Maybe I jump out The nearest window don’t be worried I was just kidding I’d never do it Just an intrusive thought I don’t blame it If we ever make it out The way it’s set up I may doubt But on the off chance we survive We better live like we’re not dying Get connections get your clout In case we ever make it out On the off chance we survive We better live like we’re not dying Not that you should believe every headline They say we're running out of time to live full lives Thinking I need people with me while the world is destroyed Holding hands into the fire like toys But no one has the time to be a talker I should but I make a total mockery of So-called busy weeks and empty weekends Spent scrolling down feeds and silently screaming Either you jump out Of the car or you take the wheel and drive it into the water I heard if you think you can just wait and see you're just being led to the slaughter Either I go on Or I despair that the best I can do may not even matter Better the former but all the evidence tends towards the latter But if we ever make it out The way it’s set up I may doubt But on the off chance we survive We better live like we’re not dying Focus on what matters now In case we ever make it out On the off chance we survive We better live like we’re not dying So we resist Repeat the same rhetoric Can’t get on the streets Find ways to spread the sentiment The future’s so bleak and I’m so tired Trying to ignore the stakes getting higher Can’t we find love break up like real humans Think about other stuff like they did Relying on each other if the world can't get better I still need a reason to believe that we will Ever make it out The way it’s set up I may doubt But on the off chance we survive We better live like we’re not dying Get mad as hell but they just take it They won’t be around to watch us try and make it out
8.
3:59 03:57
Night goes on I go to town Catastrophize to deflect from now The same despair comes back in And it’s always about the same few things No don’t ask me where I’ve been Or you’ll be taken in circles again Up late cause of some dumb thing I read Sun still rises just as exhausted Afraid I won’t be something more Finding what I should live for I can’t be like this I can’t stay like this anymore Set aside a worry hour Extends the time it has the power Think I’ll sleep pre four am this time Shut my eyes at three fifty nine If there’s no hope I still can’t succumb There must be some way to not feel numb Give me something to tide me over Remember what my brother said There must be a reason to get out of bed And I said Afraid to not be someone more Focus on what I should live for Harder than it sounds When the songs are contaminated and anything sets it off Anything sets it off Even now it’s still well into the morning Even now the nighttime should come with a warning on the way in Maybe four o clock won't hear from me Maybe four o clock won't hear from me Maybe four o clock won't hear from me Maybe four o clock won't hear from me
9.
Of course I've heard the news lately I am the story they’re chasing Chipping until skin starts chaffing still care for it till it looks good enough to take a picture I missed out on getting used to it The heartbeats racing dreaming up contingency plans Imagine hypothetically How quickly I can escape Until there is a way to leave I’ll hear prophets playing at twice the speed just when I start to believe I’ll hear prophets saying there's nothing left Nothing left for me Don’t be tired of waiting There’s still so much waiting you have to do Don’t be tired of waiting There’s still so much waiting you have to do There’s a significant list Of reasons it’s a dumb idea to exist To stand out in this time and place You're just another match on the fire and nothing’s fixed nothing can be fixed Maybe we should get used to this Powerless toward what we're facing Don’t think about your complicity and try to act apathetically Eye on how to get away Don’t be tired of waiting There’s still so much waiting you have to do Don’t be tired of waiting There’s still so much waiting you have to do Get used to the feeling of fading There’s so much waiting you have to do Until you’re suffocating Whatever pulls you through I will focus on other things I will compartmentalize What I can to compromise All I can if it’s suffice If I doubt I remind myself I haven’t eaten enough Just haven’t slept enough Just haven’t eaten enough Just haven’t slept enough It's always something else maybe I'm just scared that hasn't gone away
10.
Blank Screen 04:21
Do I look like a phoenix Do I look like I feel like I’m rising If you believe that then I must have hid it well Mostly because I’m not fallen either I’m in stasis I’m exactly where I was half an hour ago but now at least I know That there’s nothing I can really do about it If there’s a deeper meaning somewhere I’ll miss it I’ll miss it Point the thoroughline to me if you hear it There is none there is none Trying to escape the earnestness and the yearning the yearning I should accept it and Check what jobs are left We do our best to hit the goalpost in motion It’s been suggested that I Find a normal hobby or I should start a book club Instead of sitting in my bed just do some sort of other stuff like walking in the park Writing a song just as a lark and not as therapy The message boiled down to Act like a real person and you’ll have more fun But here’s the thing That implies I can stop brooding Every time I get the right advice I missed it I missed it Always distracted by some apocalypse Nothing feels worth it when I’m Hearing things are getting bad now But then soon I may miss it I'll accept we're doomed keep headphones in the room Can't assume we'll just make it out of this Yeah I want to leave the static but what do I do without it All I see is a blank screen whenever I think about it Day and night blend but I never miss a dosage But it’s still past three, with eyes wide red like some stoner But I was too afraid to smoke as a teenager anyway Too formal for formative experiences Days of polo shirts And cargo shorts like God intended for me I could have kept on that way Keep down everything I felt I could have been a king someday But all I see is a blank screen whenever I think about it Yeah I want to leave the static but what do I do without it Been on cruise control for ages so stretch me thin leave me exhausted My body my life were all laid out it might have been wasted on me

about

Catastrophize, the third full-length from Fell From The Tree, is kind of about trying to exist as the world feels like it’s coming apart. But it's more about having to go through life like that isn't happening. To "live like we're *not* dying," to keep our heads down because it's out of our control.

Obviously, that's harder than it sounds, especially coupled with the streams of harrowing information those Extremely Online stare at on a daily basis. So rather than deal directly with the Big Issues, this record instead examines the personal consequences of constantly fearing for one's future without the ability to change things -- insomnia ("3:59"), depression ("Days Pass By"), and existential hopelessness ("Nothing Left").

Fortunately, this is paired with some of the most ambitious music from Fell From The Tree yet: The pop-punk energy of “Like I See You” is unheard of for the project, “If We Ever Make It Out” features live drums recorded with an iPhone and then chopped up in Logic, and the lightly psychedelic “Don’t Be Tired of Waiting” glides between odd time signatures while still remaining coherent.

At the heart of Catastrophize, and Fell From The Tree as a whole, is a need to communicate with others and the dangers of being trapped in your own thoughts. Even if lyrically, there are more questions than answers, the album makes clear that if we really are headed for some kind of apocalypse, we're at least in it together.

credits

released March 8, 2019

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Fell From The Tree Rochester, New York

I fell from a tree.
I am in a fog and I catastrophize.
I am not ENOUGH, but that's ok.

Now I find Answers in Between
theanswersinbetween.bandcamp.com

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